Curious about the phenomenon of love at first sight and what it means for lasting marriages? O’Neill and fellow therapists Rachel Dubrow, Tania Paredes, and Sofia Robirosa share their professional perspectives on the subject.
What Is Love at First Sight?
Love at first sight refers to an instant connection with someone. As Dubrow explains, “Some describe it as fireworks, while others recall a moment where nothing else matters when you first see and speak to each other.” She adds, “It’s that feeling of not wanting a moment to end because you sense a unique connection with someone you’ve never felt before.”
People who’ve experienced this often describe it as “immediately knowing someone,” even if they’ve only seen the person across the room at a party or during a brief introduction. “It’s an instant reaction, usually to how a person looks, dresses, moves, or even their voice and how they glance at you,” O’Neill adds. “There’s a gut feeling that this person is special, which draws you in, and you quickly sense they feel the same way.”
Is Love at First Sight Real?
Falling for someone at first sight is certainly possible—but there’s a catch. After that initial meeting, you need to invest time in truly getting to know each other, says Dubrow. Only then can you determine if you’re genuinely compatible.
“It’s a wonderful feeling,” O’Neill agrees. “But it’s not love—not the kind of love that sustains a marriage over the long term.”
O’Neill elaborates that love at first sight is often more about instant physical attraction, which can fade over time. “The sex is great, you enjoy how they look and smell, and you love how perfect they seem to find you. It’s an amazing feeling,” he explains. “But it’s not the deeper kind of love a marriage requires.”
This enduring kind of love involves attraction to someone’s mind, character, values, personality, and abilities—qualities that take time to uncover.
Paredes humorously calls this initial sensation “bachelor syndrome,” describing it as “the idea that sparks will fly the moment you see each other step out of a car, and you’ll instantly know they’re ‘the one.’” While this can indeed lead to marriage, she adds, “The better question is, can it last?”
Can Love at First Sight Lead to a Successful Marriage?
While it’s possible for love at first sight to evolve into a lasting marriage, the odds are stacked against it, says O’Neill. This is because sustaining a long-term marriage involves navigating physical and emotional changes over time. Challenges like having children, health issues, and career fluctuations can lead to ups and downs, including periods of less frequent intimacy or emotional disconnection.
“There’s a common belief that the intense passion couples experience early on is impossible to sustain,” O’Neill explains. “So, for couples who rush into a relationship fueled by physical or sexual highs, these natural changes are more likely to cause issues.”
How to Turn Love at First Sight Into a Successful Relationship
1. Date intentionally.
Taking the time to date and truly understand each other before marriage can help that initial spark grow into a long-term commitment. This involves engaging in activities that reflect each other’s interests while also appreciating your individual passions, says Dubrow.
2. Focus on getting to know each other.
“Discuss short- and long-term goals, fears, successes, and what you envision for your career and family in the next one to five years,” Dubrow advises. “The honeymoon phase typically lasts about six months, after which people begin to see their partner’s strengths, quirks, challenges, and everything in between.”
3. Don’t overestimate the spark.
While it’s important to cherish the initial attraction, Dubrow warns against putting too much stock in it. “While physical and sexual connections are vital in marriage, they’re just one piece of the puzzle,” O’Neill adds. “When couples rely solely on the ‘magic’ of love at first sight, they may underestimate the other elements needed to sustain a marriage.”
Debunking Myths About Love at First Sight
Romantic comedies often perpetuate myths about love at first sight, but real-life relationships require more than fleeting passion to thrive.
Myth 1: Love at first sight is destiny.
While it can feel overwhelming, Robirosa emphasizes that this sensation is rooted in a chemical reaction in your brain and body. “It’s essentially a surge of endorphins creating strong physical attraction,” she explains. “But this doesn’t guarantee a lifetime of compatibility.”
Myth 2: The feeling is always mutual.
O’Neill has worked with couples who believed their relationship started with love at first sight, only to discover that one partner didn’t feel the same. “Sometimes, one spouse goes along with what feels good initially but later realizes they’ve been overlooking critical issues,” he says.
Myth 3: Love at first sight ensures love at second sight.
If you feel that initial spark, Paredes encourages taking a step back and going on a second date. “Do something different from your first encounter. If it was a late-night date, meet for lunch instead. The goal is to see if the spark persists in a new setting.”
The Bottom Line
Love at first sight can lead to lasting love—but only when couples recognize it as the beginning, not the entirety, of their journey together. True, sustainable love requires communication, intimacy, honesty, trust, and respect—qualities that demand time and effort to develop.
Source: Can Love at First Sight Actually Lead to a Lasting Marriage? (brides.com)
