Is the first love the real deal? It’s certainly magical, exciting, passionate, and often bewildering. Whether it lasts or not, a first love has its own sweetness. Learn how to recognize true first love at any age—and when it might be time to let it go.
How to Know if Your First Love Is True Love
Whether you’re 18 or 80, you’ll want to be sure it’s love before committing to another person. People in happy marriages often say, “When it’s real, you just know.” But that doesn’t help if you’re in love for the first time and unsure if you have a future together.
How do you know when love is real? Look for these elements of a healthy relationship:
- You genuinely love each other. Physical attraction is wonderful, but true love means you enjoy each other’s company outside the bedroom, too.
- You respect each other. You don’t belittle each other’s opinions, choices, or careers.
- You support each other. You both bring soup when the other is sick. If one cooks dinner, the other does the dishes.
- You’re equals. You may have different strengths and talents, but each of you admires and values the other.
- You trust each other. You’re both honest about money, friendships, and your life goals. True love has no secrets.
- You know you can count on each other. Long-term love weathers illness, relocations, job losses, and other stresses because the people involved are committed to staying together.
When Does First Love Happen?
For many, first love happens during the teenage years. It’s a time when we’re just discovering these feelings and thrilled by the idea of romance. Sex, too, is something new and waiting to be explored. It feels like the whole world is ahead of you.
Young love is all about passion, energy, and even rebellion—think of Romeo and Juliet. Sometimes, you don’t even know each other well; both of you are simply swept up in the idea of love. The luckiest couples quickly become both friends and lovers. Many happy marriages began as youthful first loves.
First Love in Later Life
Not everyone experiences first love at a young age. If you’ve never felt that passion before, don’t worry. It can take years—or even a lifetime—to meet the person who will become your first love. Some stories reveal people falling in love for the very first time at 70, experiencing true and authentic love.
When to Let Go of First Love
One challenge of first love is that it can feel like it will never happen again. Even if the relationship isn’t going well, it’s tempting to stay together. Both partners may fear they’ll never meet someone else who ignites the same passion.
However, those with more experience in love know this isn’t true. You can fall in love again. And next time, it might even be better. As you learn more about yourself and what you want from a relationship, you’ll have more to offer.
First loves are sometimes the best, but they don’t have to be. When should you let go of your first love? This is a deeply personal decision that no one can make for you. Here are a few reasons why it might be time to move on:
- You have different goals. Especially when you’re young, you’re still figuring out what you want from life. Sometimes, as lovers grow into their own lives, they grow apart. If you won’t be happy unless you move to a big city, and they only want to settle down in your small town, it may be time to let go.
- You’re always arguing. The beautiful feelings of first love can sometimes devolve into turmoil as couples spend more time together. Constant fighting is a sign it’s time to reevaluate. Can you learn to communicate better? Or would you both be happier apart?
- You’ve drifted apart. Holding on to first love can mean dealing with long-distance relationships. When you’re young, you might attend different colleges or move for work.
