Letting go of love is excruciatingly hard work. To minimize the time pain dominates your life, here are 10 tips from motivational expert Tony Robbins.
Why Is Letting Go of Love So Hard?
It’s human nature to cling to things—memories, favorites, situations, and especially people—because relationships fulfill our fundamental human needs.
When we lose someone, it often leaves a void in our need for certainty. Moving on from a relationship creates significant uncertainty, which can feel painful because the other person likely provided a sense of security or predictability. You knew what to expect—their behavior, personality, reactions, and habits. Even if it wasn’t always pleasant, it at least offered stability.
When the relationship ends—socially, physically, or emotionally—that sense of certainty disappears, leaving a void that craves answers. Whether the relationship ended clearly or you’re struggling with when to let go, the lack of certainty often makes it harder to move on.
Focusing on past experiences also influences our ability to move forward. For instance, were you rejected by potential partners in high school or college? Such experiences might make you cling to a partner—even one who isn’t good for you—out of fear of never finding another. These memories subconsciously reinforce your fear, as they focus on past failures rather than future growth. When we can’t let go, these memories become part of our narrative and work against us.
10 Tips to Make Letting Go of Love Easier
Here are practical steps to guide you toward the next chapter in your life:
1. Don’t Let Negative Thoughts Take Hold
Do thoughts like “I could never be alone” or “No one will ever love me” constantly fill your mind? These are merely beliefs. While beliefs shape your reality, you have the power to transform them. Replace them with empowering thoughts like, “I am open to what the universe has in store for me” or “I love myself, and the best is yet to come.” It may seem silly at first, but incorporating positive affirmations into your daily routine can yield results.
2. Rewrite Your Story
Your story is what you tell yourself to justify your decisions. For instance, you might think, “I can’t have a successful relationship because of how I grew up. My parents constantly argued and eventually divorced.” This belief convinces you that all relationships are doomed and that you can’t have a healthy romantic connection.
The truth is, you can rewrite your story to make your past a source of strength rather than a limitation. Your past doesn’t define your future unless you let it.
3. Stop the Blame Game
Letting go of someone you love doesn’t mean ignoring the truth—it means not letting it control your life. Human nature often makes us assign blame: to someone else, a situation, or, worst of all, ourselves. But blame never makes us feel strong.
Instead, let go of the past and use your experiences to grow, so you can create healthy relationships filled with passion, intimacy, and joy.
4. Start with Forgiveness
Finding the gift in the experience makes forgiveness easier. Forgive the other person and forgive yourself for any pain caused by the breakup. Forgiveness creates space for healing, a new future, and a healthier relationship. It helps you release the old and opens the door to growth.
5. Master Your Emotions
When a relationship ends, it’s common to feel intense anger—especially if the decision wasn’t yours. Initially, anger might feel like a driving force to move forward. While emotions have value, dwelling on them can trap you.
Recognizing your emotions as temporary is the first step to releasing them. Once you give your emotions empowering meaning, you’ll feel confident enough to take steps toward an extraordinary future.
6. Practice Empathy
Learning to move on from a relationship that once brought joy is challenging. Thinking about the situation from the other person’s perspective can help. Look at it with the same compassion and empathy you once felt when you were happy with them. Yes, they may have hurt you, but likely not out of malice. Perhaps the relationship didn’t fulfill their emotional needs, leading them to move on.
7. Appreciate the Good in the Relationship
Tony Robbins reminds us: “When we are grateful, fear disappears, and abundance appears.” Practicing gratitude helps combat sadness, anger, and anxiety.
The loss we feel often stems from unfulfilled expectations tied to the relationship. Letting go of these expectations and focusing on gratitude allows us to see life as happening for us, not to us. Recognizing lessons in every experience fosters appreciation for what the relationship gave us.
8. Talk to Someone You Trust
Keeping emotions bottled up can lead to anxiety or even depression. Share your feelings with a supportive friend, family member, coach, or therapist. Let them be there for you during tough times. Professional support provides confidential guidance, offering fresh perspectives to recognize unhealthy patterns and avoid repeating them. Opening up can uncover new opportunities to create a life even better than before.
9. Love Yourself
At the very least, don’t hate yourself. The process of letting go is stressful and lonely. You might blame yourself or ignore your needs, but the reality is you did the best you could with the resources you had.
Practicing self-love and self-care fosters complete healing and develops a mindset that ensures success in future relationships. After all, if you don’t have enough love for yourself, how can you have enough to give others? Whether it’s through a massage or nourishing your body with healthy foods, prioritize activities that help you love yourself.
10. Embrace Change and Growth
Letting go of someone you love is a process. By accepting the changes it brings, you create room for personal growth and transformation. Trust that life has greater things in store for you.
Moving on from love may seem insurmountable at first, but with patience and these strategies, you can pave the way toward a brighter and more fulfilling future.
Source: How To Move On From a Relationship (tonyrobbins.com)
