A love triangle can cause immense suffering, no matter which corner of the triangle you occupy. Sooner or later, everyone involved asks, What should I do? With the help of qualified experts, we’ll guide you through resolving the issue and making the best possible decision.
What Should I Do in a Love Triangle?
Here’s a concise list of steps to consider:
- Reflect on what the relationship means to you and whether it’s worth continuing or not. Take into account everyone’s feelings, but ultimately make the best decision for yourself.
- Communicate honestly with the other person (or people) about your feelings and how you want to move forward.
- Learn from the experience by paying attention to how you felt in the love triangle.
An Expert-Backed Approach to Navigating a Love Triangle
Let’s delve into the above steps in more detail, examining when and how to focus on key aspects.
Step 1: Reflect on What the Relationship Means to You
Consider the role each relationship plays in your life. Every relationship serves a purpose, whether healthy or not. Think about how the person meets or fails to meet your needs, how you feel around them, and what ending the relationship would mean to you.
- If the relationship doesn’t fully satisfy you, it may be a sign that it’s time to end it.
- If you’re seeing two people, evaluate each relationship individually. Compare your history with each person, shared responsibilities (like property or children), how your family feels about them, and whether you can envision a future with them.
Step 2: Explore Possible Outcomes
Ask yourself what it would look like to leave or stay in the relationship. If it’s truly important to you, think about what you’d do to make it work.
- Some people resolve love triangles by embracing ethical non-monogamy instead of ending relationships altogether. Consider how your decisions will affect your friends, family, and the other person (if you’re at the center of the triangle).
- Consulting a counselor or therapist can help you feel more confident in your decision.
- If the love triangle has exposed you to emotional, sexual, or physical abuse, seek help from a trusted friend, healthcare provider, crisis shelter, counseling center, or legal authority. If you’re in immediate danger, contact your local police department.
Step 3: Uncover the Root of Your Feelings
Being in a love triangle often triggers emotions like confusion, guilt, divided love, constant pressure, or loneliness. These are valid reactions and don’t make you a bad person.
- Feelings don’t require justification—there’s no right or wrong.
- If the pain of leaving the love triangle feels greater than the pain of staying, it might suggest you see one person as “the one.” However, that’s not always the case.
- The pain of leaving isn’t a reliable indicator of true love—it may stem from fear of loneliness or nostalgia for how the relationship used to be.
Step 4: Accept That There’s No Perfect Solution
Someone’s self-esteem often suffers in a love triangle. Likely, every outcome will involve some pain—but don’t let that paralyze you. Focus on achieving the best possible outcome for yourself, not the perfect one.
Instead of asking, “How can I win this relationship?” think, “Which outcome best aligns with my needs and supports my growth?”
Step 5: Communicate Honestly About Your Feelings and Plans
Be upfront about your needs and emotions. Dating coach Joshua Pompey advises, “At the end of the day, you just have to figure out who you want to be with and be honest with the other person.” No matter how hard it is, base your decision on your genuine feelings.
- If you’ve discovered you’re in a love triangle and want to end things with the central person, say something like, “I understand relationships can be complex, but I don’t want to be in this situation.”
- If you want to stay with someone and pursue exclusivity, tell them you still want to be with them but need to set boundaries about other relationships.
Step 6: Practice Active Listening and Use “I” Statements
This is a sensitive subject, so give the other person your undivided attention and listen actively. Use “I” statements to speak from your perspective, making the situation easier for everyone involved.
For instance:
- “I understand relationships are fluid, but I’m currently looking for something exclusive.”
- “You’re very important to me, and my relationship with someone else doesn’t diminish my love for you. I’d like to hear how this makes you feel.”
Step 7: Take Responsibility for Your Actions and Decisions
Being in a love triangle doesn’t make you a bad person. Acknowledge how you got here, but stay confident in your choices.
- You might choose to remain in the triangle. While unconventional, polyamory could be the best fit for you, and that’s okay.
- Regardless of whether you stay or leave, remember: this is your decision, not something forced upon you. While being in a love triangle might not have been your choice, you control how you respond.
Step 8: Learn and Grow from the Experience
Let go of negative emotions without judging them. Feelings like guilt and worthlessness are common for everyone involved in a love triangle. When these emotions arise, don’t let them consume you. Instead, acknowledge their presence and release them.
- Remember, your actions—not your feelings—are what truly matter in resolving the triangle.
Much of the anger in a love triangle stems from grieving events that haven’t even happened yet—like dreading lonely holidays or growing old alone. Remember, none of us can predict the future, and your circumstances are still a work in progress.
Step 9: Reflect and Explore
It’s easy to sink into shame, guilt, or anger—toward yourself or others. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment, then ask yourself where they come from. Keep asking until you uncover the uncomfortable truths.
- Write your feelings in a journal, where you can safely explore them without hurting anyone else.
- Crying, hitting something soft, or screaming into a pillow are all healthy ways to release pressure when emotions become overwhelming.
Source: How to Deal With a Love Triangle: Expert-Backed Strategies (wikihow.com)
