Relationship Q&A with Couples Therapists

When you’re dating someone, chances are you know a lot about them. However, it’s important to prioritize getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship. People change over time, which means there’s always more to learn. This is where relationship questions come into play.

“It’s crucial to grow together with your partner rather than in opposite directions,” says Dr. Jenni Skyler, a certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist at Adam & Eve. “By continuing to discuss our values and goals, we can ensure we’re moving in the same life direction.”

Ready for some relationship Q&A? Check out this list of expert-approved questions for every stage of your relationship.

Relationship Q&A for Dating

“These questions can provide deeper insights into each person’s interests and values to determine whether dating makes sense,” says Dr. Skyler. Essentially, they help you figure out whether you two are compatible.

What are three things on your bucket list?
What are the top three adventures you’ve had in your life?
What are two things you regret?
What was the hardest lesson you’ve ever learned?
What’s your favorite childhood memory?
What’s your dream job?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten?
What’s your biggest sexual fantasy?
What do you value most in a relationship?
Where would you like to live in the next five years?
What was your first impression of me?
Who inspires you?
Have you ever been to therapy?
What’s the longest relationship you’ve been in?
How do you handle stress?
How would you describe your last relationship?
How often do you get tested for STIs?
What do you consider cheating?
Has your heart ever been broken?
Do you think you’re trustworthy?
What are your thoughts on sexual exclusivity and monogamy?

Relationship Q&A for Committed Couples

You’re officially a couple! Now it’s time to tackle a whole new set of questions, says Dr. Skyler. These questions reveal how aligned your values and beliefs are, which can predict whether your relationship will last.

Where do you see yourself in one, three, and ten years?
Do you believe in the institution of marriage?
Do you support living together before marriage?
At what age do you envision getting married?
What would your ideal wedding look like?
Do you want kids? Why or why not?
When would you like to have kids, and how many?
Do you want to live in the same city we’re in now, or are you planning to move?
What do you like most about my personality?
What do you love about yourself?
Do you enjoy spending time with my friends?
What’s your favorite thing we do together?
What’s a date we haven’t tried yet but you’d like to?
What’s something new you’d like to try in bed together?
What does your ideal life look like?
What boundaries do you set with your family?
How would you rank your love languages?
What goals would you like us to work on together?
What can we do to keep our sex life exciting?
Do you like change, and how do you handle it?

Relationship Q&A When Meeting the Parents

So, you’ve been dating for a while, and now you’re meeting the family (or are about to). “These questions focus on family dynamics and help elevate your relationship to the next level of psychological sophistication,” explains Dr. Skyler. Asking these questions can help you understand your partner’s views on family, relationships, and parenting.

What was your relationship with religion or spirituality like growing up?
How do you view religion or spirituality now?
What do your parents believe in today?
Are there any mental health or addiction struggles in your family?
How open are you with your parents?
What do your parents already know about me?
What do your siblings already know about me?
How close are you to your family members?
How often do you see your family?
What do your parents expect from your partner?
How important is your parents’ approval to you?
What kind of relationship do you want with your family?
How important are holidays and traditions to your family?
What questions should I expect from your family?
How welcoming has your family been to outsiders in the past?
What fears do your parents have about you being in a relationship?
Do your parents respect boundaries?
What was your parents’ relationship like with your ex?

Relationship Q&A for Living Together

“These questions help make cohabitation smoother,” says Dr. Skyler. “Merging lives and finances to some extent is necessary to start feeling like you’re on the same team.” Got it? Great. Now, ask away!

What kind of place would you like to live in, and why?
How would you like to decorate our home?
What chores should we split?
What level of cleanliness do you prefer?
Which household tasks should each of us handle to keep the house in order?
How do we want to manage our finances?
How much should we contribute to a joint fund?
How much money should we set aside for luxuries like dates and trips?
What’s our budget for new furniture and home décor?
What are your pet peeves about living with others?
What do you think about inviting friends and family over? How often?
What basic utilities and subscriptions do you prioritize?
Are there specific chores you hate or love doing?
Do you prefer grocery shopping together or separately?
Do you prefer cooking and eating meals together?
How should we split expenses—equally or based on income?
What expectations do you have for our relationship now that we’re living together?
Are we moving in together with the plan of getting married?

Relationship Q&A for Married Couples

If you’re getting married (or already married), these questions will encourage you and your partner to deepen your intimacy and communication.

“It’s okay if not everything aligns, but there should be enough overlap to live a fulfilling life together,” explains Dr. Skyler. And yes, these questions will reveal whether you’re on the same wavelength.