Unrequited love occurs when you yearn for someone who doesn’t share your feelings. You might have romantic emotions, sexual attraction, or intense longing for someone, but they don’t reciprocate or acknowledge your interest. If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. Unrequited love is a common experience, and the emotional pain it causes can be managed.
The Clearest Signs of Unrequited Love
Unrequited love means loving or desiring someone who doesn’t feel the same way, leaving you unable to act on your emotions.
Examples of Unrequited Love:
- Falling for a friend or classmate who barely knows you.
- Wanting a relationship with someone who has already rejected you.
- Harboring feelings for an ex-partner who has moved on.
- Staying in a one-sided relationship.
- Loving someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
Now, let’s look at the clear signs that indicate you might be experiencing unrequited love.
The Person You Love:
- Doesn’t make the same effort to spend time with you as you do.
- Is happy with someone else.
- Doesn’t know you well or isn’t interested in building a connection.
- Sees you only as a friend.
- Talks to you about their romantic interest in someone else.
- Is unkind or indifferent to you.
- Rejects you or has clarified their lack of romantic interest.
Emotional Signs of Unrequited Love:
- Anxiety about the situation.
- Daydreaming about improbable interactions with the person you desire.
- Firmly believing they secretly love you or will come to love you, even in the face of contrary evidence.
- Intense longing or heartache, even if you’ve never been in a relationship with them.
- Initiating contact that goes unnoticed or is quickly dismissed.
- Feeling your emotional needs are unmet.
- Experiencing jealousy or possessiveness without a romantic connection.
- Neglecting parts of your life due to your preoccupation with them.
Is It Worth Pursuing Unrequited Love?
In some cases, if someone is unsure about their feelings, it might be worth being vulnerable and expressing how you feel to determine if love can be mutual. However, if they are in a relationship, have previously rejected you, or show no interest, it might be time to move on. Therapy can help in this process.
If You Frequently Experience Unrequited Love
If you’ve faced unrequited love repeatedly, it may be worth exploring why you’re drawn to unattainable partners. Attachment theory might offer insights.
“From a therapeutic perspective, unrequited love often ties to attachment insecurity,” says Amber Robinson, a licensed psychotherapist in Los Angeles.
If you’ve transitioned from one unrequited love to another, you may have experienced:
- Attachment trauma.
- Poor stress-coping mechanisms.
- Early abandonment.
- Low self-esteem.
- Childhood trauma.
How to Move Past Unrequited Love
Unrequited love sometimes fades on its own. Other times, it persists and causes significant pain. You may need support to overcome it.
1. Practice Acceptance
It’s natural to develop romantic feelings for others. Feeling ashamed of these emotions can create unnecessary barriers to healing.
If possible, view unrequited love as an invitation to learn more about yourself and foster personal growth. You will get through it.
2. Explore Your Needs
Self-awareness is often the first step toward change.
“If you notice a pattern of unrequited love, I recommend engaging in some self-reflective work,” says Robinson. “Look into where these patterns might originate. Once you find the source, you can take steps to rewrite these patterns.”
Reflective journaling can be a great way to begin this process. Ask yourself:
- Is this the first time I’ve felt this way?
- When did these feelings start?
- What did I learn about love during childhood?
- What are my needs?
- How would it feel to be in a relationship with someone who genuinely cares for me?
3. Set Boundaries
Establishing boundaries can help you feel more empowered.
These might include:
- Limiting interactions.
- Consciously redirecting your thoughts.
- Unfollowing the person on social media.
- Avoiding daydreams or imagined scenarios involving them.
4. Broaden Your Horizons
Expanding your social circle can open doors to new connections.
Try:
- Going on dates with other people.
- Taking up new hobbies.
- Reconnecting with old friends.
- Spending more time with family.
- Volunteering or helping others.
5. Seek Help
It’s okay to ask for help, whether from a trusted friend or a professional therapist.
Tomlin suggests that connecting with a therapist can help you explore your early childhood relationships.
“A cognitive-behavioral therapist (CBT) can help you apply cognitive restructuring techniques to identify and change your thoughts and behaviors,” Tomlin explains.
Source: Unrequited Love: Meaning, Signs, and Tips to Overcome It (psychcentral.com)
